i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
