I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
