im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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