yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
