Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
