Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
