Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
