My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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