My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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