shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
either way he was missing a nipple.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
