So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
