Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
