I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
