$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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