you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
