I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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