Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
