He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
