evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
did i walk over a car last night?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
third nipple confirmed
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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