there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
