i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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