hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
