In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
