Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
