I heard we made out
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
