He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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