This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
