It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
