Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dear god my vagina.
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