I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
