I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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