I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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