I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
