You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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