I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
