have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
