why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
