I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
