No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Randomize
