you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
