I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
