Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
