He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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