Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
