Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm too high and old for this...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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