Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
