I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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