I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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