Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
