allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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