We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
