What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
