i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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