He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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