funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's blow job season.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
