I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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