Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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